


Tie Me Down

by Ratty-Rodent (Rat2rrj)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Aro Spectrum Sugilite, Depression and vague suicidal intrusive thoughts in chapter 13, Depression dream in chapter 7, Dysphoria discussions in chapter 8, F/F, Fistfight in chapter 10, Gen, Grey Ace Garnet, Grey Ace Malachite, Kissing strongly implied in chapter 9, Multi, Nonbinary Lapis, Nonbinary Peridot, Swearing, asexuality discussion in chapter 4, character thinking negative about her asexuality at first, consensual underage sex implied, intersex Peridot, mentioned Jasper/Rose, nonbinary parents, parent child flangst in chapter 12, smut implied, trans jasper, understanding and supportive friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-04-18 09:24:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 5,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4700777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rat2rrj/pseuds/Ratty-Rodent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I suddenly needed to write a Malachite high school AU with her cobbled home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Contractions belong to the main character's thoughts.
> 
> Title from the New Boyz song of the same name, which might be tied in later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #smut heavily implied  
> #i don't know what the tenses are doing  
> #bad parenting?  
> #harsh insults

She paws at the binding as a show of force.  
She roars, eager to defeat her foe but limited by her confusion.  
She writhes in anger-from-helplessness, and then she wakes. 

The sun shone through the blinds into her green eyes. She can hear two of her parents locked in another shouting match down the hall. Is the third out again? She doesn't unduly care. Fuck class. 

She kicks off the covers that had strangled her dreams and kicked herself onto the carpet, stomping through the doorway with single-minded determination: breakfast before her parents decided to drag her into their disagreement again. But that entailed them not noticing her opening the fridge. 

"It shouldn't matter who I hang out with, I'm a fucking adult, I can do what I want!"  
"I'm sick of you hanging out with that fucking kid you pedophile!"  
"At least I'm not eyeing up his mom you sick freak!"

"Shut up and take your shit somewhere else, I'm tired of it!" She roars, throwing open the refrigerator door and snatching an open box of fish sticks. She doesn't even regret their eyes on her anymore. 

"Shut up yourself, pup!"  
"She's not a fucking dog, Jasper!"  
"She may not be, but you are!"  
"That's rich coming from you!"

She slammed the microwave closed around the cardboard, fuck given level in the negatives as her parents continue their shouting match. Where the fuck is the third one. 

The front door rattled and shot open as the green-clad parent began throwing bags into the house. 

"Get those asses moving and help me, damn clods! There's more where this came from!" 

She doesn't stir except to grab her sticks when the timer dings. Her yelling parents finally file outside, snarling at each other now instead of shouting. 

"I TOLD YOU BEFORE DON'T TOUCH MY CAR," the third's voice grates through the half-open front door. 

She packs into her sticks as the three crush through the doorway, growling in harmony. 

"Why the fuck did you buy this, Peri."  
"Because it's healthy, that ass doesn't get enough iron unless bench presses are involved."  
"Fucking muscle-brain."  
"Shut up Lazuli, it's not like you eat anything other than fucking water you damn fishhead."  
"At least I'm not drowning in shitty energy drinks, they fuck you up more than usual."  
"GET A ROOM, CALLS DON'T EVEN GOTTA BE MADE TO GET LAID, I'LL LEAVE AGAIN, FUCK."  
"Peri, fucking hell."  
"I'm not kidding, go do it, I got shit to do that isn't a fucking sex party."  
"Yeah, some fucking COD or whatever?"  
"Here are my damn Doritos, now fuck off."  
"Douchebag might think it's a reward for being an infernal assbag."  
"I'm right here, Lazuli."  
"Cool beans, I don't give a fuck."  
"And why's that? Because you didn't squirt last time?"  
"As if you suddenly care."  
"I care enough to know that's your thing."  
"OMG, weakness Jasper!"  
"I'll show you weak!"  
"Jasper's room is to the left, bye." 

She rolled her eyes, almost ready to go grab her earbuds but suddenly too lazy. Doritos sounded good. 

She pulled the less grotesque door open and settled on the floor next to spare wires and controllers. The less sexual parent nudged an open chip bag her way without turning from a screen. She didn't reach for the contents yet. 

"It hurts," she admitted before grunts and bed squeaks echoed from the room over. The game paused but the load screen beeped. 

"Yeah," her unoccupied parent agreed. A prosthetic arm flopped her way and she grabbed the offered limb. "They aren't always like this."

"But they never stop." 

The hand fell from her grasp but ruffled her hair awkwardly. 

"We'll make it work somehow. We're stuck in this together." 

Funny it was the least optimistic parent to offer the standard pep talk. 

Impulsively, she collapsed into her parent's lap, uncaring over radius to foreign crotch or perceived weakness. She was still so tired. 

Prosthetic fingers met her hair again as the game's volume of gunshots rose to combat the rising tide of groaning from the other room.


	2. Ships in the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems like a rehash of Chapter One, but angles are coming to play here.

She tried to munch her chips quiet, glancing between the focused nerd and the softly snarling couple on the sofa. No one was really paying attention to the movie. 

"I told you to shut the fuck up about it, Lazuli."

"Coming from the anti-Steven police, I'm not gonna."

"Listen to yourself, you sound like a child."

"Better a child then some mixed up fucker who can barely hold that shitshack gym together."

"You kiss my fucking ASS, LAZULI!"

"YOU'D ENJOY IT TOO MUCH!"

The two stood now, rage billowing from compact and wide shoulders. 

"Whatcha gonna do? Tussle? Or go crying to your little toy, you nasty?!" Jasper growled. 

"At least I got someone that gives a shit about me somewhere in this city." 

Lapis swiftly turned on zer heel and strode to zer room, slamming the door until the doorway shook. 

Malachite's eyes widened, but she reminded herself to keep still, dammit, because who knew what the bodybuilder would do when this angry? 

Jasper lifted a pillow, rumpling it in thick fingers. She flung it at the door with a howl at the metallic creak of the fire escape. 

"YOU DON'T GET TO BE THE ONLY FUCKER WHO GETS OUT OF HERE!" Jasper swore. 

The floor rumbled with the retreating footfalls of the woman scorned until she threw open her own door. 

Once sure of Jasper's exit, Malachite crept beside the most reserved of the adults, settling onto her feet and butt while wrapping her arms around her knees. She breathed a deep inhale and adjusted to check on both Peridot's phone screen and rotating screwdriver. Always better to know information firsthand when your caretakers are angry. 

This happens too much, what are they even so angry about. Is money the only thing keeping them together? 

She didn't say a word, and wouldn't. Who knew who's side Peridot would be on? 

The phone blipped as expected, but she didn't expect the message. 

Jasper: Peri, come over here. 

Jasper: I feel like shit, lets cuddle or w/e

Jasper: Please babe. 

 

Malachite quickly averted her eyes as Peridot's screwdriver slowed. 

Peridot cracked a small smile. 

"Needy bitch." 

Peridot quickly typed a response, "Be right there... hon", before brushing the surrounding metal and plastic into a rough pile. 

Peridot turned sharply and Malachite flinched. 

The extending arm slowed, a silent "can I?" close to her hair. Malachite regulated her breathing to light as possible, a probable predator tensing for probable impact. 

Peridot's smile faded, and instead enacted The Nod before treading toward Jasper's room. 

At the much lighter chunk of a shut door, Malachite finally exhaled loudly through her nose. 

How the hell do these people work. 

She could already imagine another confrontation regarding Lapis rarely being at the house much less present in the household, and Malachite frankly wasn't thrilled about being in the house when that inevitably went down. 

She stood slowly, a more common, sobering thought reforming in her mind.

What's it like for normal kids with normal parents? A mom and a dad and... me?


	3. Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Submerged by RadioWrittenHeart here on Ao3.
> 
> Kinda short and interlude-y, whoops!

What did you do in all those years? Fear the water. 

Why do you flinch all the time? Try being shifted between a bunch of drunks all the time before your biological parents shadow their way back into your life again. 

Who do you hang out with? The asshole that dared punch me in the face and her sister. 

When did you get the scars on your back and nose? Too long ago and too fuckin' recently. 

Where do you want to be? Away from here and in my parents' arms. 

Your drives? To find someplace better

Your passions? Biking, painting, music

Something you never told anyone? Can you fall in love platonically?


	4. Sea Breeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I sat down and wrote this for a whole two hours before my lit crit class, I'm so pleased! Also there's like ten new triggers mother of mewtwo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #made up movie, though it could be resident evil or the matrix?  
> #child dreaming about parent romantically  
> #i'm going directly to hell for that  
> #i told myself i wouldnt do it i'm sorry there is no excuse

Her mouth moved autonomous of her mind, hands-now-paws fisting blond and black hair. Fingers ghosted her neck and she tried so hard to close her eyes. Of all people to decide to kiss, why the one she trusted most out of her three parents?!  


She didn't want to open up, she'd had enough of the sweet-yet-vicious ladies, the horny boys, and lecherous old men stinking of cigarettes and stale beer. She only had to survive a bit more with these weirdos, take their food and hand-me-downs and get her ass to the next house before she was thrown into the street. She didn't need a therapist or that huge pink lady who seemed to give a shit about everything alive. What she needed was to STOP KISSING PERIDOT.

She snorted awake, fist bunched in a white blanket and a faint pressure against her lips. Gross. It should be so fucking gross.  


She glanced at the alarm and rolled her eyes. Half an hour early. Why.  


The pillow felt damp, did she chew it while dreaming about kissing one of her fucking parents?!  


Malachite listened as hard as she could for what was going on in the living room or kitchen. The news was on.

Jasper? Oh god, she was up.  


"Look stomach, shut up," she hissed as a gurgle complained from under the blanket.  


Steps creaked towards her door. Fuck.  


"Malachite?" Ok Lapis, better than the alternatives. "Come on, get a chance to shower before Jasper uses all the hot water."  


"I'm right here, Lazuli."  


"Cool beans, not talking to you." Ze sounded bored and slightly pissed as usual. "The TV will care more."  


"Oh no, I'm wounded."  


"As if you'd joke about being weak in public!"  


"This ain't public!"  


"Look, people, shut up," Peridot called. Malachite's stomach dropped and she swore to herself. "Lapis, quit yelling outside Mala's room. Jasper, get that ass up and grab some toast, I'm not a maid."  


"That's not what you said last night~"  


"We didn't have sex last night, brilliance."  


Lapis burst out laughing and walked away from the door to the kitchen.  


Malachite growled lowly. She knew jealousy. She'd wanted candy bars and a real family and maybe some friends. What she shouldn't want is more than Peridot's fingers in her hair and along her back and-  


"FUCK!" She howled. Tripping out of bed to break a thought doesn't work, damn.  


"You alive, kiddo?" Lapis greeted as Malachite pushed open the door. She huffed.  


"Nah."  


"Oh, gracing us with verbal communication, squirt?"  


Don't show too much anger, she's like three times your size, Malachite. A nice resting bitch face should work.  


She settled in the chair where Peridot separated herself and Jasper. Her heart thudded but she'd swallow it with whatever fish sandwich Peridot made.  


"If it tastes like shit, tell me and I'll make a better one."  


SNAP OUT OF IT IF PERIDOT NOTICES YOUR HOT FACE YOURE SCREWED, DEFLECT, DEFLECT!  


"I'm good, mmschool."  


Jasper almost fell out of her chair wheezing at that.  


"Lapis, your fucking idea worked!"  


"Getting up a lil before the alarm got me through college and swim practice, Jasper. I know what I'm talking about."  


Jasper chuckled, turning to leer at Peridot.  


"Heyyyy Peri~"  


"Save the gross jokes for after we eat, Jasper, manners." 

\---

School was just a waste of time, too many gross (but continuous) images of her and Peridot, enough was fucking enough. 

Her blasting heavy metal almost blocked out her main friends, but not what she wanted to block.  


"HEY OCEANIC TRENCHCOAT," Sugilite thundered in her ear, yanking out an earbud.  


"Whatcha want, Sug?" Malachite answered without skipping a beat.  


"Come over for movie night before Garnet lays all over my sister and makes out with her all night."  


Opal chuckled despite her blush.  


"Now that every student knows what we're gonna do tonight, wanna come Malachite?" More IMAGES.  


"U-uh yeah." 

\---

"Don't forget to call your parents!" Opal called as Garnet tugged her into the kitchen.  


"Because she fucking will~" Sugilite growled jovially.  


"I don't wanna think about what they're gonna do in there, Sug."  


A fanged grin broke full lips. "Ah, the pissed crustacean can joke!"  


"Yeah yeah whatever, get a horror movie."  


The violet-clad teen palmed her heart dramatically.  


"Only the goriest for you, my favorite assbag! Where the fuck is the hdmi."  


Malachite shook her head, smirking. A family full of chumps. 

Her smile faltered.  


Must be nice.  


"Where are your folks anyway?" She asked instead.  


"Ugh! Uh, with Ruby 'n Sapphire I think, work stuff, ideekay." Sugilite pumped a fist. "Fucking got it! EAT IT, OPAL!"  


Malachite snorted. "She might, turn the sound up, I don't need the only sounds I ever hear Garnet make to be sex noises."  


Sugilite cackled as she jabbed the volume button.  


"Net-fucking-flicks, baby!" 

\---

As the first set of credits rolled, a thoroughly mussed pair exited the kitchen.  


"Good for you? Also, congrats on the sex."  


Opal laughed a full belly laugh and collapsed on the couch beside Malachite. Garnet shook her head, heading for the bathroom with a blush barely visible from Malachite's position.  


"It... Was fun," Opal huffed at last.  


"Did I mess up your flow?" Sugilite smirked.  


"Not for too long. I thought it was funny, but it turned Garnet off, haha."  


Sugilite faux-retched.  


"TMI sis, I don't wanna know about y'all's bodies more than I already do, eww." 

\---

Midway through the second film, Garnet buried herself into Opal while Malachite pretended to not watch their gay display. Sugilite crunched her popcorn uproariously whenever Garnet so much as twitched and Malachite tried not to grin. Fuckin' dweebs.  


"A fucking nerd hitman! What is this movie."  


Garnet kissed Opal's neck and suffered a kernel to the aviator glasses.  


Malachite focused on the movie again at "fucking nerd" -WHY- and nearly choked on her stolen popcorn.  


A rather androgynous glasses-wearing person was making out with the action heroine in explicit detail; she had begged Sugilite for R ratings of gore not sex, but if this wasn't making any of the others squirm, then...  


A phone bleeped.  


"All week long it's a farmin' town, they're makin' that money grow-"  


"My muthuhs, excuse me." 

"What a neeeeerd," Sugilite hissed, pressing pause. 

"A cute nerd with a cute accent," Opal murmured. 

"GAAAAAYYYYYYY," Sugilite hissed louder. 

Malachite could think now that the movie paused. Garnet returned from the guest room.

"Go'a go, Mum'll be heeah in five." 

Opal smiled sweetly. "Bye hun." 

"Y'ALL ARE SO GAY."

"Our moms are gay too, sis." 

"Nice you remember." 

Opal rolled her eyes good-naturedly as Garnet tugged at wrinkles in her shirt collar. She walked close enough to peck Opal before swaggering out the door. 

At the metallic click, Sugilite shrugged.  


"She does have a nice ass." 

"I know~" 

Sugilite snapped suddenly.

"I want a fucking ice scream cake so fucking bad, don't play another movie 'til I get back." 

As her sister sauntered into the next room, Opal turned to her side. 

"Mala, was someone on your mind during the film?" Opal had tact enough to not mention anything in front of her best friend but damn, for the one that forgets grocery lists she can be damn perceptive. 

"Uh..." 

"I won't judge. You know my type~" 

Malachite tapped her boot heels together. Would she really not judge? Really?

"...Promise?" 

"Of course, not even my sister." 

"Especially not your sister. Uhhh... Fuck. Look, I had a weird dream and I... Don't judge me." 

Opal nodded sagely. 

"Uh... P-peri." There, it was out. 

Opal blinked, seeming to process the information. 

"Was it a good dream?" The pony-tailed teen asked at last. 

"...Yeah. Uh we... Fuuckkkk." Malachite pressed her palms into her eye sockets. 

"You...?" 

"We fucking kissed," she said in a small voice. 

Opal quirked a brow in confusion, probably how kissing a parent could be distressing, when it clicked. 

"Oh, romantically?" 

"Yeah. I know Peri doesn't dig me like that, but still. It's weird, how do I stop it? I don't want things to be weird."

"Avoidance will only make things worse." 

"Yeah but, 'Hey parent, if we were the same age could we try things out?' That's fucked up!" 

"Peri loves you, your dreams might have been feeding off that and hormones." 

"Maybe... I'm just not interested in anyone else that way. Like... Never before." 

"Mala's first crush~?"

"Don't fucking laugh!" 

"Sexuality and attraction are spectrums, dear." 

"S-spectrums?" That words was a new taste on her tongue. "You saying I'm not a broken freak?" 

"You are in no way broken. Or a freak, unless you adopt that label for yourself, like Sugilite has." 

Malachite nodded, processing this NEWS. 

"Not even taboo shit? Ain't this incest?" 

"Peridot wasn't involved in your conception, but I wouldn't pursue a relationship for legal reasons, y'know?" 

"Yeah, I guess. Still I... It felt so good, to be kissed like that." 

"I'm very familiar with kissing, it IS great. Maybe you could ask Sugilite?" 

"...Would that be weird?" 

"You could always ask, you know how liberal we are here, haha." 

"Maybe..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garnet's ringtone for Ruby is Kick The Dust Up by Luke Bryan because Garnet has my taste in country music~


	5. Escapade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are a few scenes before this that I have yet to write ^^;

Malachite was pulled from the haze of a kissing session to a howl from the reality of her house. Opal still typed away on her cell, humphing good-naturedly at texts from her girlfriend and foot-tapping to music from pink earbuds. Sugilite snorted underneath Malachite's now tense form, but her soft "da fuck? Cummon don't stop, Mal," fell silent with the nudge of a toned arm. 

Malachite sought the rough sounds of her parents in the other room, searching desperately for words amid the punches and rumbles of excited anger.

There's no way she would miss cues from these rough and tumble adults, not with the size of the rage amid them. Sugilite attempted to relax her back into their previous embrace with a comforting hand, but Malachite tensed further, possibilities filling her mind. She couldn't simply let go and get hurt, she had friends now, two solid dependable friends she would seek once she turned eighteen and was released from the system into the street. She would protect her friend with benefits and that friend's sister from any and all harm the brawling duo could dish out. She did trust Peri, crush withstanding, but under limits. 

Her hand found Sugilite's thick fingers and clutched them tight as words finally filtered through the walls, past strained grunts, and into her ears. 

"Is that all you got? Harder! Get mad! Fight those fears, I can take it! Beat them to a pulp! You got this, Lazuli, I believe in you! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" 

Sugilite snorted again as Malachite's tense shoulders fell in confusion.  
Jasper rarely speaks so positively about Lapis, and never to zer face. 

She glanced over to Sugilite, who wriggled her eyebrows and smirked.  
"For once you're wrong, Oceanic. That sounds like some pretty good sex or whatever!" She cackled at her own joke, disrupting Opal from her conversation.

"Hey sis, done sexting? Lets get outta here and give Mal's 'rents some alone time~"

The trio grabbed their devices and snuck down the hall and through the living room. Peridot looked up from organizing a series of spherical metal slabs. 

"Heading back? Call me when pickup is needed and I'll be over. Or make Jasper do it." 

Sugilite nudged a sputtering Malachite toward the door and hollered over her shoulder.  
"Understood, Techmaster! Later!"

Peridot rolled spring green eyes as the door slammed shut.


	6. Lapis Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it says on the tin. 
> 
> Lapis is a depressed nonbinary person who likes at least two genders pass it on.

Ze, even puffed with rage, could feel the fire escape's rough, cool metal on zer palms; like a bike handle as ze ran farther from a possible showdown in the living room. This wasn't fleeing, never backing down from a challenge, merely preventing Peri from seeing zer rip their roommate apart, good sex or not.   
Panting, ze glanced at the pier leading into the lake. 

No thought forward, no look back, ze thumped across the wooden planks and dove into the welcoming water with an exuberant splash. Ducks and their weed be damned. 

Ze broke the surface with a hearty inhale before effortlessly thrusting zer body into a familiar swimmer's routine. Arm up, hand in, push with palm, pull with shoulder. Kick to propel, there is no one in this water but this moving body, imperfections irrelevant. Spray in nose? That's fine, exhale it with mouth. 

A few rounds and Lapis dove into the murky depths, eyes closed from the sediment and other nast. 

This is a public lake dumbass, you don't even have a change of clothes. Or keys. Fuck. 

Lapis huffed back from the waves, evening zer kicks and reclining onto zer back. 

Fuckin' piece of shit Jasper. Fuck her. Asshole. 

Despite propelling zerself with zer hands, Lapis clenched them anyway. 

We always fight about the same shit. Are we still fucking high schoolers? Ugh, I still don't wanna talk. Fucking hell. 

A chill shot through Lapis, making zer groan inwardly. 

Gotta get outta the water now, wish it was sunnier. 

Lapis swam to shore quickly enough, finding a tree to duck behind while ze wrung out zer top, shorts, and what ze could of zer shoes. Socks went into a hem pocket. 

\---  
Still miffed and unwilling to return, Lapis took to wandering the sidewalks. 

Didn't even take my phone. Peri's probly worried. Eh, Peri can handle a couple more hours without me. 

Lapis found zerself near the edge of a small park, eyeing the empty tire swing wistfully. 

One round can't hurt. 

The cool metal under hand again. Ze smiled. Under the light squeaks of the chains and the firm rubber ze could say what ze wanted, be what ze wanted. Lapis sighed, good mood evaporating and ever-present melancholy seeping back. 

"Hey, you ok? You stopped smiling." Lapis looked up at the sudden young voice.

"Huh?" Lapis responded before wincing at the soft tone. Damnit voice. 

"I'm Steven!" The small boy announced, patting his star-emblazoned pink shirt twice. "What's your name?" 

"I'm Lapis, Lapis Lazuli." The kid didn't have to know that much, but something about him just brought out something positive in zer. 

"Nice to meet you, Lapis!" Steven stepped forward and extended a hand. "Wanna be friends?" 

Lapis felt zer smile return. "Sure." 

\---  
"I had a bunch of fun, Lapis, thanks for playing with me!" 

"No problem, buddy." 

"Uh, my mom and dad want me home when the sun touches the tree trunks. Your mom and dad might too." 

"I uh, don't have any." 

"Oh no! No family then?"

Lapis wanted to smile and grimace at the same time. 

"I mean, I got a family, but I don't wanna go back home just yet."

"Oh! Uh, you wanna come over for dinner then? I bet my mom and dad can help you out!" 

Lapis hoped beyond hope that Steven's parents wouldn't mind a guest for dinner. 

"I mean, would they mind?" 

"No, Mom invites people over all the time! Come on!" 

Steven gently gripped zer hand and lead zer from the friendly woods, back onto the sidewalk, and toward the edge of the suburbs. 

He stood before a pastel pink house with grey accents and knocked on the door. A balding man with a thick brown beard answered the knocks. 

"Heya Stu-ball! Back from the park? Oh, who's your friend?" 

Steven turned and beamed. 

"This is my friend Lapis, Lapis Lazuli. Lapis, this is my dad!" 

"Greg Universe, pleased to meetcha! Come on in!" 

Lapis blinked in surprise before following Greg into the house. Ze quickly removed zer shoes by the welcome mat and marveled at the plush suburban carpet beneath zer toes. 

A staircase leading up to the upper floor, a room closed off from prying eyes, and an open living room greeted Lapis at first glance. Nice. 

A lamp shed light for a being of ethereal pink hair on a rocking chair. She looked up from her book and smiled. 

"Welcome back, Steven!" She rose from her chair as effortlessly as she shone beauty. Steven ran up to and hugged the woman. 

"Hi Mom! I made a new friend! This is Lapis!" 

The woman chuckled at her son's enthusiasm and smiled at their guest. 

"Pleasure to meet you, Lapis." 

Lapis quickly removed the space between them and extended zer hand. "The pleasure is all mine!" 

The woman laughed a full belly laugh, and Lapis could almost hear the smiles of the rest of the household. She shook Lapis's offered hand. 

"Greg just made some amazing casserole, would you like to stay for dinner?"


	7. Obtrudes, Death by Robot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This entire work reflects my state and this chapter most of all. 
> 
> Triggers: depression, self-negativity, nightmares

Growl, howl, do what you must, you really think things are going to get better?! Your friends are gonna leave you, your parents don't care about you, let these chains drag you to the depths! Never breathe again, never hear or see or feel again! 

You can yank but we'll never stop screaming! You're not worthy of anything you love and people only care if they want to use you!

You think you're worthy of love, what a joke!

Our hands will never let you go, you will never wake up free! 

STOP STRUGGLING FROM US  
YOU ARE WORSE THAN NOTHING  
YOU DESERVE NOTHING  
TAKE YOUR SELF AND GO

"Mal? Hey, you were making noises again."

"...I... It's nothing, go back to sleep."


	8. Dysphoria of Three Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Each of Mala's 'rents has an arc to complete.
> 
> Triggers: Dysphoria, Transgender self-negativity, histories of abuse in the home, brief genitalia mention (not graphic)

You crave acceptance, and you're willing to fight anyone, including your body, that stand in your way. Power and anger course through you, and you sometimes wish to discharge them through your fingers, belonging to your big hands and your big boxy shoulders and your big ridiculous junk against too narrow hips and too deep a voice and everything is just wrong. You count yourself lucky that you've managed to pool together relationship resources from the shambles of your high school and post-kick out adulthood, but you know deep down the hormones you're taking are the cane helping you walk and through the physical therapy of friends and loved ones that believe you too will you run into a gleeful tackle once again. 

You sometimes wonder if using your... uterus that one time was a mistake. Even with the Internet, your unique experience may not follow trends just like your life path before fighting the river in blood less fluid than your gender feelings. You crave at least stubble, something to wrap your hand around, and a deeper voice more than the money you need to pool together with your partners to keep a roof over your heads. That back tattoo was worth the complications, but the uphill battle against the tide of "this body" and your bitch of a girlfriend fan the rage instilled in your blood. 

This nerd hates the second person because shouted commands and greater-than-thou sneers encrust each 'you' with a rust that chokes creativity, robotics, and sometimes the desire to live. This nerd doesn't mind variations of the first few name syllables, agreed-upon labels, or affectionate word shortenings murmured in tender love. Genitalia in between the sexes is just there; the plumbing work, they're fine, partners enjoy them less than hands or mouth or skin because each action means something coming from a member of the asexual credo. Coming to terms with one's body is way simpler than coming to terms with one's self-worth, but with time and affection, both are doable.


	9. You ain't gonna Tie Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mala and kissing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE SPOILERS HAVE SET FIRE TO MY SOUL AND GIVEN ME MATERIAL FOR THE FIGHT SCENE THAT SHALL BEGIN THE BOND OF MALA AND SUGILITE YESSSS

It wasn't bad, just weird.   
Nobody had really kissed her; like sometimes she saw it on TV, or in some kind of crappy story, or that awkward time two kids were doing it in the hall she was walking in. Or adults did it sometimes. But not people like her. 

If she wanted something, she'd threaten to beat it out of someone smaller than her, or shirk around quietly if someone was bigger than her. Affection didn't really happen. 

And while the fight that won her a friend was a positive memory despite the pain, this was... Like a pat from Peri. Like the thrill of her muscles as she biked or swam or ran. Like sitting between the two sisters with a bowl of fresh popcorn in her hands. 

She knew these lips pretty well even before this. She knew the searing snark, the full-belly laughter, the leering grins that dripped from her best friend's lips.   
What she didn't know, was pressure, movement, and trust. 

The last was a concept she, before, could barely fathom for the whispers in her head, much less for a flesh-and-blood person that enjoyed her company. Pretty great that THAT existed. 

But now, even as her initial eyebrow scrunch melted to a warm chuckle and meaty hands on her shoulders, she could let go, it'd be all right. She was warm and safe now. 

She could relax.


	10. Zyborg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How the bffs first met

"Hey, look at me when I'm TALKIN' to you, fucker!" 

Malachite's eyes shot up from her iPod before returning to the dark screen. Despite the music blaring in her ears, she could clearly make out the challenge from the punky jock. 

Frown darkening, she growled out her own. 

"Get over here and make me." 

She could imagine a few gasps and wide eyes from whoever stood around, but only the biting tension was real. Teachers be damned, she wasn't going to be a pushover to anyone ever again. These new parents better have known what to expect when they took over guardianship. 

Her opponent hooted, launching into her with a standard-looking punch. Malachite aimed her shoulder to take the hit, but the wicked gleam over askew shades said her foe was expecting that move. 

The punch twisted into a cutting blow to the back-shoulder border, just below the neck. Resisting a flinch, Malachite turned and bit the presented bicep. 

The jock promptly howled before wrapping a second arm around her. Malachite swiftly pocketed her device before launching a quick jab into her opponent's side. 

The purple-clad girl growled, launching another twisting punch at Malachite's head. Releasing the bicep, Malachite ducked and headbutted, knocking the other to her knees. 

Malachite smirked, elbows away from her sides in an almost victory pose. Her stance crumbled when the other swiped from her low position and grabbed Malachite's rear. The triathlete-in-training yelled as her body neared the floor, knees finding purchase around her attacker's face. 

The punk kicked their fallen bookbags and... bursting out laughing?!

"Yo girl, you're a fucking riot! Sit your ass down at my table at lunch!" With a hefty thump on the back, the jock cheered, grabbing at her own books and sauntering off toward the gym.

She left a breathless and shocked Malachite in her dust.


	11. "I wish I could stop loving you"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part of a tumblr ask meme, this is the most important jaspis AU to me

18\. “I wish I could stop loving you” 

 

Lapis’s shoulders heaved again and again as the shock finally settled. 

Peridot clenched the cell phone lightly in a technical grip, momentarily stunned into silence before slowly turning to the youngest of the trio. 

Malachite shook her head, shoulders tensing for a blow never to physically land. 

“Uh, hello?” the medical assistant hazarded after the deafeningly silent response.

“Uh, yes. W-when are visitor hours? Ah. Umm, thanks.” Peridot tapped the call’s end quickly. There would not be a good evening tonight. 

Lapis choked out a shrill wheeze. 

“Come here,” Peridot requested softly. Quickly pocketing the cell phone, Peridot reached forward to console. Lapis clenched zer upper arms, shaking zer head once firmly. 

Despite vocal chords still ringing with strident rage against their roommate and shared girlfriend’s behavior, the ex-swimming captain could only faintly manage “...a semi-truck. After all that. After she told me...” 

Jasper’s recounted words and the slam of the front door hung heavy in the house. 

Lapis turned regretful dark eyes to the still girl. Malachite looked away. 

A persistent buzz rang from Malachite’s room. She ran to it, not ready to face whatever would come next in the karma-laden past and future of her newest parents.


	12. These two need to interact more, the film

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even I need context for this

Jasper sat on the bed, bouncing once as she exhaled a huff. "I was just trying to be the cool mom," she sighed finally. "I just, don't like showing my feelings to people much, because..." 

"They could use your vulnerability as a weakness to exploit." Malachite blinked once as she picked up the tapered ending.

Jasper's lowered head shot up. "I- yeah, exactly." Damn, someone really hurt her. "Hey, if something happens or somebody's a jerk, you can come tell me. I'll try to set it right." Least I can do for this kid. If her high school is anything like my years out of cadet school... 

"Thanks," Malachite said at last. 

"'Course. You're among a decent lot now. We got your back, and probably your front flanks too if you want." 

Jasper chose to ignore the single shake of her -daughter's?- head. 

"Maybe." 

That might be her best and I'll take it. Support her. 

"Sure thing." The woman paused for a moment. "Uh, hug?" 

The two shared a long gaze before...

"Ok."

\---

A full body hug, but it at no time seemed restrictive or inductive of harm. It was firm and full, sort of like Sugi's and Peridot's, but not as bone-crushing or heart-pounding. It was a tender hug, a warm one. It was ok. 

The woman's hands linked around the small of her back, the shoulder there comfortable to lay on. 

"Thanks Jasper," Malachite whispered.

"No problem," the gym owner admitted with a firm squeeze.


	13. Pre During and Post?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been depressed as all hell thanks to the election, school shit, my parents, uncertain future and all that. Meds barely help, but at least I could write this. 
> 
> Disclaimer: own nothing but my feelings in these characters. And Malachite swears a lot.

Everything is new, and I hate it.

Usual shit, new bunch of assholes I gotta live with and places I gotta wade through, new school and shit. Why do I fucking bother trying anymore. It's just gonna be a rehash of the same.   
I wonder if they have any good movies I can sneak. 

Whatever, they got a fridge. If that pink lady tries any more pulls, this might all be in a cleaner part of town, at least. And they let me keep the phone, even if they did change the number. New slate, ha. Whatever. 

Three jerks this time, who's fucking who. Blue-haired one looks like I feel, done with all this shit but trying to kinda cover it up. Huge lady in the back, barely fits in this damn room. And a tiny one with, holy shit a cyborg arm?!

"Hi-Hey, Malachite."

**Author's Note:**

> I think I'll continue this because it feels like part of something bigger, I just don't know when. 
> 
> Also I know I'm breaking many standard writing usage rules in this fic, but that's where the fun is.
> 
> I'm rat2rrj on tumblr if you wanna talk with me!


End file.
